Rabbits, Dragons & Bears - Oh my!
I pulled my back out on Sunday.
It was my first day back in the gym after a long weekend of travel and needless to say, I had no business pushing 165lbs for reps in a deadlift. Long story short, I'm paying my dues and have been slowly working my way back to strength since.
Today I lifted for the first time in 5 days. I used lighter weight, focused on my breath and yet my ego quickly made its way into my thoughts.
"This workout isn't doing anything for me"
"How am I going to build muscle by squatting 30 lbs"
"You're never going to make it as a trainer"
Yes, I am human too and unfortunately these thoughts always seem to make an appearance when I'm most vulnerable / injured. It wasn't until the end of my workout when my ego stepped aside and compassion arrived.
I was laying on the gym floor when the light caught my attention. Through the small skylights above, I started to observe the passing clouds and got caught in an old childhood memory of naming the clouds. As my focus narrowed in, my ear catches a familiar tune playing through the speakers.
"You've got a fast car" I hear...
"I got a ticket, that will get us out of here"
It was Black Pumas cover of Fast Car.
After nearly an hour of shaming myself for not being strong enough, thin enough, fast enough, I couldn't help but laugh at the irony of that song playing as I lay in peace on the gym floor, naming clouds. In the lyrics of fast car, you hear urgency in the singer's voice to "be somebody better, be someone, be someone, only to find themselves living in that same disappointment years later.
The lesson I took from this was two fold. One, fast solutions are not always best. Growth takes time and secondly, relying solely on others will not get you there any faster.
This isn't the first time this realization has come to mind and I can promise you, it won't be the last, but every time I feel more grounded in the comfort of the skills I've acquired along the way. If you need a meditation practice, simply look up, find a cloud and imagine all the animals *& dragons lurking above.
Much love <3